Biz Markie
He is to ugly rappers what James Brown is to funk. He started this shit off, son. He made a song called I'm An Ugly Nigga, So What?. He looks like poo and that's why we all love him. The Emmada-Emmada-Ay-Are-Kay-I-Ee is not so much ugly in a disgusting or repulsive sense; instead rocking an interesting, demented-cousin-from-the-sticks-type steez. Mmm... nice.

Ol' Dirty Bastard
An interesting contrast, you see. The ODB is very much ugly in the repulsive and disgusting sense. You can almost smell his breath when you look at his photo. It clearly reeks of dog food, 40s, ash and trout. He has whipped up an ugly cocktail, using Biz's original deranged recipe, and then added a twist of street tramp. We can't imagine many dime-pieces are on his dilznick as a result.

Fat Joe and Big Pun
They come together. Let's get this straight-we're talking about ugliness, not weight. But it's all about head shape here. You know the difference between Greg Nice and Smooth B-one has a horizontal oval head and one has a vertical oval head. But with these Terror Squad lads it's like God shoved a watermelon on each of their torsos.
True Fact: Joe and Pun's shadows quit.

Grand Puba
It looks like his neck threw up. The sad thing being that this is a case of someone who can't deal with it. Biz revels in his deformities-that's the gracious way to handle them. "Pubes" (as we call him) still fronts like he's Big Daddy Kane or something. The kids on the street laugh and point at him anyway. It looks like his face was on fire and someone put it out with a fork.

KRS-ONE
His nose is so ginormous that people actually live in it. It's true. We interviewed them:
FL: What's it like living in KRS's nose?
Nose People: It's OK. It gets a bit noisy when he does gigs, and we have to put up with a lot of pseudo-intellectual clap-trap, but other than that it's a good life. He stays away from meat and keeps us clean.
FL: Thanks, Nose People.
Nose People: No problemo, just listen to our demo. The Mexican One From Black Eyed Peas Don't pretend you know his name. He looked in the mirror and his reflection ducked. His birth certificate was an apology letter from the condom factory.

RA The Rugged Man
He's stank. He climbed the ugly ladder and didn't miss a step. You wouldn't want to see him close-up.

El-P
Word to the mother! He makes blind kids cry! It's "unfortunate".

Bushwick Bill
Another classic. He's got so much going for him in the ugly stakes it's like the creator just didn't know where to stop. He was saving all that shit up for one individual. Bill pulls it off in a loveable, Biz-like manner though.

Craig Mack
Did you see those pictures of the landscape of Mars on the TV last year? Craig's got "the fat funk flaaaav, booooooy". He rolls with Jabba.

Bahamadia
It's such a shame. It's like Minnie Ripperton. She sounds like a sexy supermodel. And then you see her face. Oh Lord save us. Looks like she ran the 100 yard dash in a 90 yard gym.

Biggie Smalls
Oh gosh. Now it gets all controversial and we start receiving letter-bombs and shit. But peep it: can you look us in the face and tell us that he ain't busted? Sheeet, he so cross-eyed that he done used to sit on the front porch and count the chickens in the back-yard. Daaaaamn.